Parent-Teacher Conferences

Despite being only three-years-old, we had standard conferences with Ellie’s teacher last week. 

Because she is very proficient at the cognitive aspects (letters, numbers, communication, etc.), the conference–surprisingly–focused much more on her personality and behavior.   Part of the discussion was on her closeness to her friend, Ava, and whether or not this limits her interaction with other children.  The second was the issue of Ellie’s lack of assertiveness and initiative in play.  She concedes when children fight her for a toy and she sometimes waits or asks for permission when joining an activity (rather than jumping right in).  Interestingly, she does not act this way at home.  With Thomas, James, and Jack, she frequently initiates and leads activities, and puts up quite a fight when something is taken from her.

I guess what has kept me thinking about it is that I like who Ellie is, her respectful nature, and her ability to observe and get comfortable before jumping in (she is, after all, my daughter).  I don’t see her behavior or personality as an “issue,” just as a defining characteristic.  I don’t think she’s ever going to be excessively outgoing or one to take center stage.  And, I’m not sure I want to change how she is.  As a result, I’m thinking I’ll let the teachers work on things they feel they need to in their environment and we’re going to continue to preach humility, concern for others before self, and respect at our house (though I am not saying the teachers teach against our values, I just don’t think we’ll be changing our M.O.). 

Once again, I am so very grateful that our concerns are so minor compared to what they could be.  We’re proud of our daughter!

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Ellie at 3 3/4 years

Never have I found myself in a relationship defined by such unpredictability and intense, rapid-cycling feelings of joy and frustration.  As a whole, Ellie is an amazing young girl who fills our home with much energy, enthusiasm, and laughter.  Yet, we are constantly reminded that parenting is a very difficult calling.

The main difficulties relate to whining and getting easily frustrated about things.  We have had some success by persistently teaching her to rephrase her whining into a kind request (“May I please…”).  It seems to work to empower her to get the desired outcome but to do so in a respectful way.  I hope it continues to work.

Her brothers can easily set her off.  We have a hard time keeping a sense of control,  order, and personal space when they’re around, so I can only imagine how much more powerless she must feel as a child facing these issues.  She also loves to be in charge of them and they are becoming less willing participants.   As much as she can get annoyed with her brothers, she also is beginning to see the benefit of having someone to play with.  Each evening, Thomas and Ellie push toys around the house and essentially chase each other.  Both have big smiles on their faces during this activity.

Thankfully, there are a lot of wonderful things to report.  Ellie loves school.  She attends four days each week and I think she would go seven if that were an option.  The structure and freedom from home suit her nicely.  We’ve been told she is the “teacher’s helper.”  I would expect nothing less given the dynamics at home.  Though I feel that there is a big chunk of Ellie’s week that I am not a part of, I appreciate that she can now tell me a lot more so I feel like I understand what she experiences on a daily basis.

School has helped Ellie become proficient at coloring and art.  She loves to decorate plain paper, put it in an envelope, and mail it to her grandparents.  She has a much longer attention span when working on such activities than she did a few months ago.  She also reads and recognizes a lot of names, even outside of the classroom.  She’s very into recognizing letters, words, and their sounds.  She devises complicated rhymes and combines them in a sentence (e.g. “Jack ate from a jar in the car and we went really far”).

Ellie is beginning to understand math problems.  This is related to home and not school.  We are constantly having to figure out things just to go about our day and she catches on quickly.  She can figure out how many socks we need, plates, silverware, or snacks.  Just when I think it may be too complicated for her (setting out plates for the next day when daddy and Jack will be gone), she does not miss a beat.  Who knew having triplets would cause our life to be a walking math problem–glad we could help with something!

One of the most entertaining things of my day is hearing what Ellie says.  Recently, she told her brothers, “Brothers, you’re going to have so much fun.  I’m not going to school and we’re going to the mountain house!”  She said to Jack, “Sweetie, don’t worry.  You’ll feel better.”  And, after getting in trouble for coloring with markers where she should not have, she said, “I had to try it.  That way I learned it was not a good idea!”

Manners are a work in progress.  Using silverware is a hassle when fingers are more fun.  Asking to be excused from the table, introducing herself, and thanking friends for hosting us are easier.  I find myself becoming more aware of my own bad manners and working to correct them.

Finally, Ellie is obsessed with James Taylor.  We started playing the CD to James (“Sweet Baby James’).  Then, she wanted to listen to it in the car….everytime.  Now, she rank orders her preferences for James Taylor songs and recites lyrics when going about her routine.

We love our sweet girl!

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Last Day of School (or not)

On the way to Ellie’s last day of school, she vomited in the car.  So, back home we went where she was sick for a good 36 hours.  I felt sad that she missed the experience of saying goodbye, though it is still a concept more mature than her age.  Ellie was also more upset by the thought that her shoes or outfit might be ruined than by the idea that she had to miss school. 

Thankfully, I had signed up to deliver the class gift to the teachers, so I took Ellie with me a few days later and we got to say farewell to her teachers.  And, the class had organized a final playdate that Ellie got to attend, thus appeasing my need for closure. 

It was definitely a memorable end to the year, if not for the reasons I expected.

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Ellie’s First Report Card

This week, we had a routine Parent-Teacher Conference with Ellie’s preschool teacher. We were alloted thirty minutes to discuss and review her performance on about thirty two-year-old tasks. The grading scale ranged from “rarely” to “regularly” in regards to how frequently Ellie completes the desired tasks. Ellie achieved all “regularly” marks, which we were informed was superior to many of her peers. The conference served as another example of how fortunate we are to have Ellie in a wonderful preschool program. However, it also worried me that this is all too serious for a toddler class and concerned that she may not have as quality of education and teacher involvement when she enters “real” school!

Nonetheless, here are a few highlights of Ellie’s achievements and personality:

1) Ellie does well with independent and creative play. For example, she can cook in the toy kitchen by baking a cake, find something to use as candles, sing the birthday song, and then make sure her imaginary friends blow out the candles. Her imaginativeness is a refreshing balance to her need to have many things orderly and precise.
2) She has a good attention span, as evidenced by her ability to sit still and quiet during story time.
3) Ellie has strong empathy toward her classmates. We see her caring nature at home when she asks us, unprovoked, “How was your running?” or “How was your work?”
4) The teacher reflected that Ellie is a perfectionist (any surprise that she got all high marks?), but that it is still in a “healthy” way at this point. Essentially, the teacher doesn’t see Ellie get frustrated or fixated on things, but she is well aware of when she cannot do something or if a toy or puzzle piece is missing. We know that she gets this from us and wish that she did not have this tendency. At the same time, I suspect we get along so well because our personalities are matched in this way. We are relieved that she does balance the perfectionism with the aforementioned creative and imaginative play, which are free from an emphasis on perfection and a “right” or “wrong” way of doing things.

Finally, I had two emotional reflections about the meeting:
1) The experience of having our child evaluated felt strangely like we were being evaluated as parents. Since the feedback was positive, this was not as strong of a reaction as it may have been were we receiving negative feedback. At the same time, I don’t think it is a child’s responsibility or burden to make their parents look good or bad, even though it did feel like Ellie’s progress was a reflection of our parenting. I hope to be able to keep this feeling in check so that I establish a boundary between Ellie’s behavior and personality and our role as her parents.
2) it was somewhat unsettling to have someone else tell us so much about our child of which we were unaware. From special connections she has to friends, to certain art skills or gross motor skills she’s developed, to her favorite toys and playground equipment; there was a lot we did not know. She is only at school seven hours each week, yet, I felt a twinge of jealousy that I don’t have full knowledge of this aspect of Ellie’s life. It is great for her to have her own time away from our family–especially her brothers–but I feel a bit like I am missing out.

Our girl is truly growing up. We’re so proud and so grateful to be her parents.

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Ellie and Ava

Two great friends, two cute photos:

Their last day of school

Such love!

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The Last Day of School

From the first day of school...

...to the last day of school

I feel a sense of sadness today on Ellie’s last day of school. I felt a similar kind of sadness when the school year began, but that was all about me and having to let go of my baby. This time I around, I am sad for Ellie. I wonder what it will be like for her to lose her routine, to no longer see the teachers she adores, and to have limited contact with her classmates. In the midst of all the transitions we face this summer, I long for her to have this one secure, reliable, and predictable aspect of her life. We’ll all be finding our way, and I am sure as a resilient child she will be just fine, but I can certainly wish the timing were different.

I have nothing but wonderful things to say about Ellie’s school experience. The teachers have been incredible and I am grateful that she enthusiastically goes to school and often asks to go on her days off. The teachers wrote a letter to the parents describing their favorite memory of each child. For Ellie, they said they recall her naming everyone upon arrival at school. It is such an accurate description of Ellie’s memory, her friendliness, and her fondness for connecting with others. There is no way to quantify the social and academic (at a 2-year-old level, of course) growth that has occurred. However, I know it was far more stimulation and enrichment than we could have provided on our own. We look forward to another great experience for her next year.

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The Tale of the Roll-up

Several weeks ago, I asked Ellie what she wanted for lunch and she replied, “a roll-up.”  I foolishly dismissed what she said as toddler nonsense.  However, every couple of days, she’d repeat the same request.  I began to consider what she meant (a fruit rollup? a sandwich wrap?). 

I finally got around to buying tortillas and it had been some time since we’d last had a conversation about roll-ups.  So, I told her I was going to make a roll-up for lunch.  She said, “yay, turkey roll-up!!!”  Upon sitting together to eat the roll-up, I asked her who eats roll-ups, assuming this is something she saw another child at school eating.  She replied, “August eats roll-ups.”  A few minutes later she said, “and Basil.”  August and Basil are brothers, so this made logical sense. 

I repeated all of this to the teacher, who confirmed that August and Basil get roll-ups in their lunches and that roll-ups have been appearing in more in more lunches due to August’s enthusiasm for them.  The roll-ups have made quite an impression on Ellie and her classmates, confirming that it’s never too early for peer pressure to begin!  At least it’s taken the guesswork out of one aspect of our lives: what to send in Ellie’s lunch for school.

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